Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
