Betty ford says i'm here all night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
