I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
