Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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