how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
