so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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