and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
