First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
