is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
