I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
