Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
