I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
