I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize