i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
