Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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