Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
