i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
