hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
