RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
