my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
