Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
