best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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