Don't you send me to vm
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
