How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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