her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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