haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
