i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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