my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
