Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
