I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
