I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize