he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
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today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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