drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
