I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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