Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
