I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
