i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
