life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
