i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
