they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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