i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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