I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
