how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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