I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And then he peed in my hair
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