i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
