vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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