You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
