i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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