yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
