Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
