Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
