he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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