Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
