I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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