We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
