I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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