those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
