Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize