did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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