I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
