did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
