You smell like a Billy Joel song
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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