I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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