i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
