If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
