she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We got so high we made milksteak
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
