That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
