So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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