after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
