Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize