Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And then he peed in my hair
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