I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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