every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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