So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
