seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
These tits shall not be calmed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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