if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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