Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
