i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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