those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
