she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it glows. i had to have it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize