I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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