I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
